A spectacle on land. Unfortunate from a boat.
Cruise lines are a lot like Chuck Norris: They are calm and cool on the outside but ready to karate kick naughty passengers off the ship on the inside. We, for one, never miss leg day — and neither do cruise lines. They will kick you off as swiftly as is legal for breaking their clearly-defined guidelines.
Basic Cruise Behavior Guidelines
Exercise good cruise behavior. In other words, don’t be an animal. If you are an animal, you’re on the wrong vacation (with the exception of the Queen Mary 2; then you are likely a dog and we rate you 12/10). Following the dog theme, like people, dogs will display bad behavior when stressed or accidentally drinking too much. Everyone cringes when dogs bark, jump up on people, climb on the counter, sniff up skirts, and hump legs. If this sounds like you or your friends after a few beers, call Cesar Milan.
Cruise Guest Code of Conduct Contract
You signed it; they expect it. The best way to avoid being kicked off your cruise is to be aware of what is expected of you. Cruise lines are further defining the behaviors they expect from their guests while on board. For instance, Carnival Cruise Line is educating their guests through their ticket contract (available before you book), and The Guest Code of Conduct Contract, signed before embarkation and frequently brought to mind through enhanced signage and notices across the ship. Having recently disembarked from a Carnival Cruise, this writer can tell you, Pavlov (and now Carnival Cruise Lines), got it right. I was on my best behavior (Arrf! Kibble, please).
Enjoy this video of Carnival President, Christine Duffy, laying down the law about expected guest conduct and consequences for bad cruise behavior.
Consequences for Bad Passenger Cruise Behavior
In an attempt to thwart guests violating cruise behavior policies, cruise lines have implemented a range of disciplinary measures from large fines to guest removal (i.e., getting kicked off the cruise). Also, cruise lines retain the right to remove you from their ships and ban you from future cruises for life. They are also not required to compensate or refund you any portion of your sailing.
Moreover, if you want to test these policies or think you can skirt the rules, just stay home. Instead, for a similar and less time intensive monetary experiment, light your wallet on fire and avoid the hassle of packing altogether.
Bad Guest Cruise Behavior and Rule Violations
Common reasons for cruise ship passenger removal include drunkenness, possession of drugs, fighting, theft, flouting dress codes, engaging in dangerous activities such as climbing balconies, throwing things overboard, and breaking youth curfew.
The following snippets and article links are real examples of cruisers being prematurely disembarked from their cruises. Cringe, laugh, and, most importantly, heed these as a cautionary tale so you aren’t kicked off your own cruise vacation!
Risky cruise Behavior (Doing it for the fans)
If the admiration of your fans is based on endangering yourself or others, we have a therapist to recommend, and a warning: You will be kicked off the ship or left behind. People have cameras; they’re literally everywhere. Don’t use the ship as a parkour course or a diving platform; you will be filmed and punished by the cruise line to deter other passengers from attempting similar behaviors. Now is a good time to familiarize yourself with the Darwin Awards. If you manage to kill yourself in one of these stunts, you may just win!
Read this article on these bad cruisers kicked off for stupid stunts and this tragedy of a dare gone wrong.
Purple Haze is Only for Sunsets
Read those contracts before packing that dooby. Additionally, expect extra precautions to be taken while boarding each port. You may get to witness the mortifying experience of narcotics dogs marking — hopefully by sitting and not peeing — on your luggage, followed by narcotics officers singling guests out for questioning. Drug searches, performed by k-9 units, can occur on board the ship, too — even while sailing.
Cruise lines obey national drug policies, not state law. Additionally, what’s legal in one state or state of embarkation does not cover passengers while in other countries and ports. Unless Mary Jane and Molly are your sisters, leave them at home.
For an extreme case of not so sneaky bad passengers, click here.
One Fish, Two Fish, You Get the Boot Fish
Why not push the value of your balcony to the max by catching your own fresh sushi? Take that premium dining venue with additional fees! You are really going to stick it to “the man”.
This is a real damned if you do and damned if you don’t type of situation. Bring the fish in? Violation. Throw the fish back? Violation. Remember that contract you signed? Guests may not bring live animals — aside from service dogs — on board and are prohibited from throwing any objects overboard.
Read this article on passengers kicked off their cruise and banned for life from Carnival Cruise Lines.
Don’t Rock the Boat
Some will argue that, if the “boat isn’t rocking”, you’re doing it wrong. However, regardless of your preference for motion in the ocean, keep it down (as in volume). Passengers have been kicked off of cruises for disturbing other guests with noises that can’t be blamed on seagulls or the ship’s horn.
Medical Conditions Too Sad To Meme
Yes, there are medical staff on board cruise ships. The Queen Mary 2 even has a chiropractor on staff. Fancy. However, as you may imagine, there are limits to what can be treated onboard. If the medical crew believes a guest’s condition is too delicate or potentially unstable, that guest could be disembarked at any time. We would hate for anyone to be kicked off their cruise for these reasons.
Please consider travel insurance, just in case.
Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself…
Oh, Salina, that song is so catchy but, glory, please do keep your hands in your pockets, on your drink or joyfully in the air — like you just don’t care. Above all else, don’t fight or pet other passengers or crew. Remember the lesson about personal bubbles and the bubbles of others in elementary school? This still applies.
No bubble popping — without consent — please. Aggressive passengers have been kicked off for disrespecting crew, trolling other passengers, and brawling. Yikes.
Sticks… Stones… and Words Will Get You Thrown Off
Your mama said it and it’s still true: “If you don’t have something nice to say, keep it to yourself.” You have freedom of speech, for the most part. Passengers and performers alike have been kicked off of cruises for bad language. Cruise captains have great interest in happy crew performing their duties and coming back for additional contracts. Any guest that is caught abusing crew can expect to be reprimanded and potentially expelled from the cruise. Additionally, performers are under the same scrutiny.
Be nice, don’t intend to offend, and then pile insults on those you offended. Read up on this bad language offense, here.
Make it an Upper Decker
The “Upper Decker” could refer to a few things (refrain from those things, please). We are referring to “taking the high road.” However, this is the cruise industry, and there are no high roads when we’re sailing. So, we say, “When in doubt, take the upper deck”.
In essence, be kind, keep your hands to yourself, and be mindful of that passenger code of conduct contract you signed.
Our goal at CruiseAlly is to elevate the entire cruise industry. We want to ensure that you, and those around you, have an amazing time. It is a vacation after all! This article is offered as an educational and humorous tool to help curb bad cruise behavior and illustrate the seriousness of breaking the customer code of conduct. We hope you have an enjoyable cruise and repeat your adventure as often as possible.
Do you have a bad cruiser tale to tell, or were you kicked off a cruise ship? Want to make unruly guests walk the plank or undergo other creative punishments? We would love to hear from you! Please write to us at marketing@cruiseally.com.
Are you ready to book that cruise you’ve been thinking about? You can find the best cruise for you and book fast here!
